If I Were a Boy
KABUL, AFGHANISTAN: Dear Readers, I’m sorry I haven’t been in contact with you for a long time. Actually, I had wanted to write to you so much but I couldn’t find a chance to be completely alone at a computer. I’m in trouble and, sadly, I’m afraid I can’t even share this conversation with my fellow Afghans.
It all started when someone began calling me on my cell phone from a blocked number. Then I noticed a man following me on the street. I don’t know who this person is but he keeps following me and harassing me.
As if this were not bad enough, someone must have seen this man following me, and thinking I was having an affair went and told my father so. This is absolutely not true. I only go out to go to school and to go to work and wild people instead of helping me want to spread rumors about me, ruining my life!
My father told me I shouldn’t go to school or to work for some time. I’m afraid he believes those rumors about me. Now I’m scared of everything, even of living. Sometimes I’m so overwhelmed I just go blank.
I wish I were a boy. I wish I were a boy so I could defend myself and defend my family. I don’t know what to do anymore. I want to get out of Afghanistan.
I only have one choice in front of me and that is to get married to someone who is living abroad. But I also want to be a good daughter and I want to serve my parents. I know I have to be an adult. I have to study and gain knowledge and make my parents proud of having a child like me.
I am the eldest child and I don’t want to leave without serving my family, my people. When I look at all the obstacles I face, though, I fear my dreams will not be fulfilled. Destiny is weighing down on me so heavily that I can’t make any decision.
Sometimes I think of what the NGOs and the international community have done for Afghans, and how they supported and empowered many of our women. But is there any kind of help for me? Readers, could you please advise me on how I could have my rights protected here in Afghanistan? And if that is not possible, how can I get out of Afghanistan? I know can’t live like this anymore. I need a way out.